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How to install Linux on a dead badger

face it any boy programmer with a pair of pliers can put Red Hat a Compaq, his mom's toaster, or even the family dog. But nothing will give you more geek points like installing Linux on a dead badger. Therefore, if you really want to earn your wizard hat, just read the instructions, and soon your friends will think you are the pre reincarnation of Linus Torvalds.

minimum installation requirements:

1. one (1) knife
2. one (1) screwdriver, flathead, install Duppy card (see Article 4. Below)
3. computer:
   • CD Reader USB, Ethernet, or a free slot for wireless card networking
   • Telnet or SSH client program installed
   • cyberspiritual regulator as FleshGolem (Mac OS X and Linux) Phranken (Windows 98, ME, 2000), or ItzaLive (OS 8.1-9.x, Mac and Amiga)
4. one (1) Duppy card (available in CardBus and PCI models) or SpiritInTheSky external adapter (available Ethernet and USB models)
5. VüDü Linux (available from Twisted Faces Software)
6. least one (1) square meter of flame-resistant material in a safe area, ventilated
7. isolation
8. one (1) dead badger, good condition

optional installation requirements:

• one (1) gallon of holy water in a silver or silver hub.
• One (1) pair of latex gloves
• one (1) ounce of flea shampoo for example Ecto-
Mycodex
• Calma or running water and a large sink

installation to realize this article was conducted in concrete floor in the garage of a house, being fireproof, using a 400MHz Clamshell iBook, and began shortly after local sunset.

Step 1: Find a badger appropriate. Zoological specimens are ideal, but better suited badgers can be found along roads in many parts of North America, the British Isles, continental Europe, Asia, and parts of Africa.

• Other animals of the family Mustelidae can be used in place of a badger, but an adapter may be required. In the case of Peru, you can use Beaver or lab rats or Chinese restaurant, which grow very large. See Appendix II for details.

Step 2: Once you obtained a dead badger, check it carefully for structural damage, particularly in the spine, skull, and legs. Dead badgers do not regenerate, and a badger with broken legs exhibit limited mobility. Brain damage and spinal cord may interfere with the installation of Linux and make any installed system is unstable, and void all warranties expressed or implied by the laws of any and every state, county, or dimension, present or future alternative.

• As a precaution against infection, use latex gloves provided when handling your dead badger. It is highly recommended that you wash the shell with a shampoo suitable altipulgas.

Step 3: Obtain a copy FleshGolem cyberspiritual or another program on your provider. This test was performed with a copy of FleshGolem downloaded from the utilities section of the Apple site. Follow all installation instructions carefully, including the additions in the readme.txt file.

cyberspiritual
• All controllers must be compatible with Duppy card or SpiritInTheSky adapters.

Step 4: Insert Duppy card or external adapter SpiritInTheSky. The Duppy cards work best if you're using a Mac with an Airport slot, the response SpiritInTheSky external adapter can be inactive. Other notes below apply only to install the card into the iBook duppy test used.

• The card has a hinged lid and a clear cover over what looks like a small box down from the ivory. Open and place a small amount of hair and blood of the badger in the chamber, then close the cover, being careful not to let stray hairs sticking out of the chamber. Install the Airport card slot opening small white tabs at the top of the keyboard, lifting off the keyboard assembly (Taking care of the wires), and inserting the card slot.

Step 5: Install the antenna security Duppy card (included with the card) in the badger. Badgers antennas can operate without security, but this is not recommended. Badgers unsafe can be cut by anyone with a compatible card and bits of badger. Each system Duppy card / antenna is encrypted in a unique way so that a properly installed system allows only the original user has access to the badger.

• To install the antenna, make a small incision with the knife in the nape of the badger. Then push the antenna down the badger's back under the skin. The antenna must penetrate as deeply as possible along the spine, or security will not be optimal. The antenna can also be installed by cutting the badger's back skin open, but this method is recommended for licensed taxidermists only.

Step 6: Install the operating system your badger. Voodoo is the preferred distribution of Linux for badgers and related species (see step 1). This distro was designed by German software engineers who contributed to the project SuSE software before they started up Twisted Faces in Jamaica. An alternative distribution is Pooka, which is available for download at SoulForge.net. However, there is no structure of alpha for Mac OS and Amiga, and some users have found that Windows NT utilities built Harvey Pooka can cause sudden invisibility. Configuring

VüDü:

• The default partition: / root enters the spinal cord and brain at the root, / swap and / soul are in the left hemisphere of the brain, and / usr, / var , and / home are on the right. If you are working with a badger with damage to one of those areas, you can switch these partitions in either hemisphere of the brain, but as noted in step 2, using a brain-damaged badger is not recommended and may interfere with proper installation.
• information system configuration and spiritual components of the package comes in a small piece, roll of parchment. Space is available for entering a password, and any auxiliary program as NecroNull. VüDü package comes with two scrolls, but a Santeria, a Vodoun, a Wiccan, or a minister or a Catholic priest who have undergone training on parchment faces twisted scrolls can also provide suitably blessed. Check the Home Page of VüDü to find a qualified cleric in your area.
• By changing the scroll, using ink made from chicken blood, and write neatly in one of several languages \u200b\u200bthat can be used in the scroll - is written VüDü SoulScript but successful modifications have been made in Latin Hebrew and Enochian. Other modifications may be made by Telnetting SSH on your badger later, begin with only essential information. After completing changes, roll up the scroll and stick it down the throat of the badger, all the way into the stomach. Use a screwdriver or pencil to get all the way inside.

Step 7: Install VüDü itself. In the package, there will be a large square of herb-scented paper. This is the entire code for VüDü. Fold this paper in an origami shape resembling the animal you are installing VüDü on (see also Appendix II). There are folding direction for the common animals in the box. Make a well in his role badger and add a little more blood and hair of your pet.

• not miss the paper, the replacements are expensive. There are recipes for homemade paper on the Web, but getting all the information correctly transcribed is an enormous task, because it must be handwritten, in addition, the requirements of the grass collecting, drying and curing are formidable.

Step 8: Invocation Procedures / boot. Place the center of the badger in fireproof surface, make sure ventilation is adequate and all doors are closed. Turn off all cell phones, and stop using the other unapproved electronic devices. With the blood of the badger, a staff spot about the size of a foot wide around his body. Place the code in the top spot badger pentagram, ay turn the paper while doing the initial invocation:

victum at reducing the Suse live decessus of absit vixie is the creature of the identification of the facultas Linux ea! Developer Root, root revealing!

• The paper should burn with green flames. Black or gray means the herbs were prepared incorrectly. Purple flames indicate kernel panic, smother the flames with the bucket of holy water and leave the installation site immediately. Seek shelter in the nearest church or other sacred area. You may need the help of an exorcist if you can not reach shelter in time.
• When you produce green smoke, must flow over the badger in its mouth and nose. The badger wake as Linux-controlled zombie. Enjoy your badger risen.
  

Common Problems

resuscitation
• This method puts most creatures in a foul mood, the badger woke up very upset test, requiring a hasty release of FleshGolem get the beast under control. It is highly recommended to have the closure of the existing computer during the spell.
• If the badger is not responding properly, you may need to make some configuration adjustments via Telnet, the instructions are in the manual VüDü.
• If the badger is not responding at startup, call for service or in the absence of the priest. Be sure to try the other troubleshooting options first. After two free calls, the service will cost an arm and a leg, and will accept only members fresh, free from any kind of gangrene or ulceration or varicose vein.

DISCLAIMER: not damaged any badger or Macintosh in the course of this test installation. Your results may vary. Please note that zombie badgers are banned in many municipalities in California and Wisconsin, in Texas Zombie badgers should always be subject or tied. Zombie badgers can move at great speeds, and are prone to sudden acceleration, appropriate caution when maneuvering. Do not let your zombie badger eat mushrooms or African snakes, badgers may issue or techno music. Do not make fun of them. Prolonged use of a zombie badger can cause acne, insomnia, leprosy, unusual weather, or the end of the world. Please dispose of properly zombie badgers, check with your local recycling company for proper disposal protocols. Original English

here.
in English (where I got this): here .